I think I may have figured out why I have been in this funk of emotions and feeling of anger, frustration and sleepiness; I forgot that I am what’s important, who I am, what I feel and where I have come in my life. It does not matter what others around me do, feel or say or don’t say. If they are not going to be what I need in my life then, well, goodbye. I have a bad habit of just putting up with crap because I don’t really care for confrontation and have always been built to please others instead of focusing on pleasing me. A trait I have been working hard to get rid of but it’s still there deep inside of me and comes out to play every so often.
To b happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” – Albert Camus
The quote above is a quote that my daughter has in her bedroom among the many positive quotes she has decorating her bedroom wall. The other evening while we were reading our book and then playing cards, I happened to look up at it and BAM, just like lightening striking my brain, I realized I have been too concerned with others. I know better.
It is so funny how reading a simple quote could remind me that it does not matter who or what anyone else is or does. It doesn’t matter what they want or feel, because what I want, need and feel is most important to my complete happiness. My kids can not make me a happy person, can they add happiness to my life? Oh heck yeah, they do every day. But no matter who anyone else is, they can not be the ones to make you happy, that is completely up to your own self.
To be happy within and with who I am is something I worked too damn hard to get to, that place of inner peace, happiness and love. I honestly love me and I know sometimes that comes off as arrogant, but there is a true difference between realizing you love yourself and you are deserving of certain things in life than thinking you are all that and a bag of chips with a side of better than everyone else. I am not that person.
So here I am on another journey, the journey to be back to me, what I call my normal, I am doing great so far. I even walk with a skip in my beat and it’s the best feeling ever.