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I have been having one of those months, it seems every time I turn around something hasn’t been sent to me that should have, the kids need me and meanwhile I am on the verge of a total breakdown. I could bang my head against a wall, something I often say I just may do if the kids don’t settle down. I always say it with a smile, so I assume that makes it sound less awful?

I could run around crying and screaming. I could climb back into bed and shut out the world. I could do a whole lot of stuff that wouldn’t solve a freaking thing. Instead, my darn brain refuses to let me break down for more than a few moments. I allow myself time to feel as if I am going to cry, breath in air while sitting on the deck and just remember that I have faith and a great attitude. Good things come to good people, even if they have to walk a rocky road to get there.

It’s so difficult to work from home, it’s easy in some ways because I get to do what I absolutely love – writing – and get paid for it, but in some ways when people pay by check instead of PayPal for example, it sucks. It really truly sucks. Contracts with various vendors have an agreement to send you payment from 30 days all the way up to 90 days. I get it, it’s business, but even when I worked outside of the home at an office – when times got tough and something came up I would be able to get some form of a cash advance from my employer.

They trusted me, they knew me as a person in person, not as some virtual person who seems to be legit but who ever knows in this Internet world who is real and who is being fake real. I am real real, a human being who has the fight of her life ahead of her, who has been fighting a serious battle for probably about a year now. Someone who feels like she can’t bear this fight any longer but knows she has to keep moving forward or else all can fall apart for someone special and close to her heart.

It’s so difficult some days, but when I am having one of those days, I am thankful for my brain that refuses to let me get down. My brain is wired differently it seems, even differently than it was a few years ago, it doesn’t allow me to break down more than humanly acceptable. My brain won’t let me sink into some deep state of depression so that nothing gets accomplished and for that reason alone, I thank my brain today, I thank my positive mindset and I thank that I have faith to lead me through the days of hardships because without all of that? I would be curled up in bed right now not writing this blog post.

Images Source: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Written by brandyellen

Brandy is a born and raised New Hampshire resident who loves to spend extra time laughing & smiling with her three children. Brandy runs multiple blogs & she loves to tweet daily and ramble on Facebook. Author, with her daughter, of Positive Girl - The Power of Your Thoughts Question about this post or something found within it? Read my Disclosure Policy as well as Terms of Use.

This article has 6 comments

  1. trisha (25 comments) Reply

    Hugs Brandy.

    I happen to love checks because its a reference point for me to go back to and email for jobs again but I still know what you mean. I am just an email away if you ever need someone to listen.

    trisha

  2. Apryl @ Christian Clippers (2 comments) Reply

    I get like that too! The other day my in laws took the kids to Disneyland overnight. I thought, yay! I can get so much done. I ended up getting bored. Then when the kids came back, I didn’t have time to get anything done. Lots of prayer gets me through those days and it always works out in the end.

  3. Terri K (@tkharmonic) (93 comments) Reply

    I get so overwhelmed trying to juggle everything all the time and it feels like there isn’t enough of anything to go around. Not enough time, not enough resources, just not enough of me to deal with all the crap I have to deal with, and somehow still try to keep up with the groceries, dishes, laundry and general cleaning of the house, the yard, the car…

    Honestly I don’t understand how anyone can manage everything and not have some sort of breakdown at some point. I have days I pretty much have to just shut everything out and do the bare minimum to get through the day because I just don’t have whatever it takes to do it all and I’m not getting any younger.

    So yes, I do have “those days” and I have them more often than I used to and I think most of us expect too much of ourselves. I have no advice whatsoever, except what I cling to that my Dad always used to say, “keep your chin up”, because it’s harder to drown that way.

  4. Karen of 3G2S (1 comments) Reply

    I know this month (and year) has been so tough for you. I think we can all relate to the downfalls of working from home. Hang in there!!!

  5. Robin (166 comments) Reply

    I get how you feel – I really do. Ever since the kids went back to school a few weeks ago, I feel like my entire world has been turned upside down. It’s so hard as the kids get older having to juggle everything. At least you’re staying positive and that’s so important.

  6. Groovy Mamma (4 comments) Reply

    I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now. I have been there. One great thing you are doing is reaching out to your community. Now we know how to pray for you. God won’t give you more than you can bare but sometimes that back pack sure does get heavy doesn’t it?

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