It’s so much fun when I am out in public with my son Aj and he is in one of his bad mood days, really it is. Most parents look at me as if I have an out of control bad child when in all reality I have a child who has a mood disorder. Currently Aj sits on a waiting list to see a pediatric psychiatrist and while we wait, the mood fluctuations don’t change. Clearly the mood changes wouldn’t change without the correct medication because bipolar or a similar mood disorder can not be controlled due to a chemical imbalance in the brain.
Not only do I have to deal with this as a parent but I also have to deal with this mood disorder as a person in the public eyes. Let’s face it I have three children, not just one, which means there are other places I need to be and with that brings more time Aj is brought out to events he may or may not want to be at . Aj can be 100% amazing some times and then other times, like this past week, he can have an extreme anger outburst, which sucks. When Aj has his anger outbursts at home I learn to deal and I am used to it but when out in the public eye I do feel myself getting angry with the crowd of people staring at my son thinking he is a bad child or maybe even thinking that I don’t know how to discipline my son. Just the simple fact that strangers can think to look at my family and place judgement quite frankly ticks me off.
The problem is, having a mood disorder or being bipolar gets you labeled as a bad child or a bad person. My sister has gone through this, I went through it being an older sibling to her. Most times when Aj has his up and downs all I can see is my childhood memories of a sister who chased with me butcher knives and had constant outburst of extreme anger. Now as an adult my sister is still not on her meds due to no health insurance and suffers from a wide load of ups and downs, mainly downs as of late. Most people with a mood disorder or bipolar tend to turn to drugs and/or alcohol to cope with the fluctuations in mood. Let’s face it no one likes to be up and down with happy, sad and angry feelings all of the time.
Think about that time of the month; whether you are male or female you have had to probably deal with the fluctuating hormones of a female and let me tell you what it’s no piece of pie. Think about my five year old who already is trying to learn how to cope with emotions and have the proper response yet can not truly control his chemical imbalance due to sitting on this waiting list. He is five, he can’t understand and he knows he wants to be good and happy but he just can’t seem to fight. Aj has a major mood disorder and it breaks my heart as a mom because all I see is how this mood disorder is not only affecting his childhood but his siblings childhood too.
So if I get snappy with you about my son Aj or life in general then remember this; I am dealing with a tremendous amount of ups and downs with him 24/7, it tends to wear on me and break me down every so often.