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I was diagnosed many, many years ago with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was so painfully shy, which I have told you all about this before, that I couldn’t even walk into a bank or small store by myself without suffering major anxiety issues and sometimes I would just plain refuse to go anywhere alone, even a walk downtown.

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My mother always had a real hard time with this, because I was a teen when this all started happening and I guess, for good reason, she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to go into a store by myself. I would literally cry and refuse to do so alone. I hated being that way, I wasn’t happy being that painfully shy but I did get bullied a lot in my teen years from other girls. I had a lot of issues in the family life of things and well of course some issues and battles I was facing simply being a teenager.

Thank heavens I pretty much outgrew the painfully shy days, I still may have days when I don’t feel 100% and it takes a bit more inner strength to get me out of the door to go do something alone, but I at least can do it now.  I have also always been a super fast talker, I don’t know why, I do know most of my father’s side of the family is like this. We all talk really fast paced and ramble on and on. I do see a lot of that side of the family in myself.

I have been going to counseling with the ex husband and we have been facing some various personal topics, one of the topics  is that I am almost creating my own anxiety with the fast paced talking I do. You see the more I talk the more overwhelmed I feel, the more tight my muscles and jaw get, the faster my heart races and the less I breath.

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It seems I simply talk in circles and keep going but don’t have much feeling behind the conversation because I am cutting off all energy at the neck. I am more aware of this and can literally feel myself almost choking on my own words. It’s an awful feeling, but I am trying to be more conscious of how fast I talk and slow myself down. It’s not easy, it is extremely difficult to teach yourself to be different and react differently to situations.

I know I can slow myself down because heck I have changed so much about me over the years that simply changing how fast my brain and mouth move seems simple compared to other changes I have made. If merely slowing myself down can help me embrace the outside world, 50 years from now I have less of a chance finding myself glued to the PartyBingo.com screen in the basement for hours, and more of a chance of being and active and exploratory elderly person. It seems taking nightly walks is helping slow me down, I am feeling more, I have more internal energy and I don’t feel as anxious about life and such.

So this week I have learned that simply getting out of the house to take a walk helps me slow down in my head which in turn creates a more calm version of me. I am loving that I am learning some things about myself as well as learning what helps me to calm and relax after a long day of dealing with work at home and kids.

What is your relaxation method? What helps you feel at ease?

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Written by brandyellen

Brandy is a NH Mama who desires to share her stories as a means to inspire others to live life fully, learn from their mistakes and move forward. When Brandy isn't rambling, she is off on adventures to experience life to the fullest in New England. Author, with her daughter, of Positive Girl - The Power of Your Thoughts Question about this post or something found within it? Read my Disclosure Policy as well as Terms of Use.

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