Happy Birthday to my First Born
Today, 12 years ago, this beautiful baby was born to me. I loved her from…
I was diagnosed many, many years ago with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was so painfully shy, which I have told you all about this before, that I couldn’t even walk into a bank or small store by myself without suffering major anxiety issues and sometimes I would just plain refuse to go anywhere alone, even a walk downtown.
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My mother always had a real hard time with this, because I was a teen when this all started happening and I guess, for good reason, she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to go into a store by myself. I would literally cry and refuse to do so alone. I hated being that way, I wasn’t happy being that painfully shy but I did get bullied a lot in my teen years from other girls. I had a lot of issues in the family life of things and well of course some issues and battles I was facing simply being a teenager.
Thank heavens I pretty much outgrew the painfully shy days, I still may have days when I don’t feel 100% and it takes a bit more inner strength to get me out of the door to go do something alone, but I at least can do it now. I have also always been a super fast talker, I don’t know why, I do know most of my father’s side of the family is like this. We all talk really fast paced and ramble on and on. I do see a lot of that side of the family in myself.
I have been going to counseling with the ex husband and we have been facing some various personal topics, one of the topics is that I am almost creating my own anxiety with the fast paced talking I do. You see the more I talk the more overwhelmed I feel, the more tight my muscles and jaw get, the faster my heart races and the less I breath.
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It seems I simply talk in circles and keep going but don’t have much feeling behind the conversation because I am cutting off all energy at the neck. I am more aware of this and can literally feel myself almost choking on my own words. It’s an awful feeling, but I am trying to be more conscious of how fast I talk and slow myself down. It’s not easy, it is extremely difficult to teach yourself to be different and react differently to situations.
I know I can slow myself down because heck I have changed so much about me over the years that simply changing how fast my brain and mouth move seems simple compared to other changes I have made. If merely slowing myself down can help me embrace the outside world, 50 years from now I have less of a chance finding myself glued to the PartyBingo.com screen in the basement for hours, and more of a chance of being and active and exploratory elderly person. It seems taking nightly walks is helping slow me down, I am feeling more, I have more internal energy and I don’t feel as anxious about life and such.
So this week I have learned that simply getting out of the house to take a walk helps me slow down in my head which in turn creates a more calm version of me. I am loving that I am learning some things about myself as well as learning what helps me to calm and relax after a long day of dealing with work at home and kids.
What is your relaxation method? What helps you feel at ease?