Do you ever feel lost? Frustrated? Alone? Oh I hear you! Let me ask you though, have you felt this way when you are married to the person you felt at one point in time you were meant to spend the rest of your life with? Oh I hear you there too! It’s normal, marriage takes a lot of work. This is coming from a divorced mother of three who is now dating her ex husband and moving on in our lives together. You see, I had been convinced the person I married had changed and become that man I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with, when in all reality we simply stopped showing love to each other. It is funny how that happens as you are working on building a family.

I once heard that in order to keep a marriage moving forward you both need to learn each other every day, in addition you also need to  have a common future. Whether you and your significant other have future goals or dreams, you need something that you both want and are working towards together! I am a firm believer in soul mates and wrote two articles about soul mates on Moms Vacation Land you should really check out, of course after reading this!

When you are new and fresh in marriage, whether you had kids before or plan to have them afterwards, you are working on building your family.  That is what J and I did, when we met I had one daughter and was pregnant with another child, but single. I was newly out of a relationship, therefore we took our time on getting to know each other and spent hours on the phone talking nightly. We became best friends in all reality who one night while staring in each others eyes simply realized how in love we were with each other. A year later we married and then almost three years later we were legally separated and me being the impulsive person I can be filed for divorce nearly a few months after our legal separation. I can’t say I regret our separation and divorce, but I can say I know in my heart that was the wrong decision for our future.

I am here now to share my situation and story with you all because I feel every married man or woman may feel the way I did at one time or another and either be afraid to be a single parent or afraid to live without their partner. I will not tell you that moving out of the family home and living without your significant other would work for all situations, but it worked for us . J and I spent the first few years of our lives together starting a family, he soon became AJ’s legal father and soon after we were married we planned to have another child. J and I always agreed on having our children early on in the relationship so that we could spend the rest of our lives raising them and still be young when they were adults.

Me with J ... Happily Together Again

J and I both wanted to have our own business and work from home full time, we both had the same idea of how to parent our children and we truly were eye to eye on most situations. The problem we had was that we were so focused on raising our two sons and my daughter that we forgot to love each other. The bills were piling high, the boys were not sleeping good and AJ never slept well even now at almost 4 years old we still have sleep issues & aggression issues with him. AJ takes a lot out of us and our family as a whole, but we know our hearts are meant to be, we are two people who truly were meant to be together and have come to the realization that no matter how many times we try to push each other away, we will always end up right back together. We are like magnets I swear!

All I can say is that as you are building your family, do not ever forget about each other. If you are like J and I with no family help for babysitting and don’t really want to hire a stranger as a babysitter, then you must make time for each other when the little ones go down to sleep. I am not saying you have to have sexual encounters, we used to play chess every night together, it was a fun mutual game we both enjoyed, but after long weeks of no sleep we simply stopped doing fun things like that together. J and I became so focused on making sure the kids were raised, the food was on the table and the bills were going to be paid that  when it came time for “us” we simply didn’t have the energy to do anything.

Now that we have been where we have been in our lives, we are conscious of it and making an effort in being more communicative to each other, in addition we have made a pact to let each other know if the other one is feeling less loved or neglected and lonely so that we can work on fixing that feeling for the positive. It’s all about communication when it comes down to it! Remember open communication and an open mind can solve any marriage issue, sometimes you may need to seek an unbiased outside person to talk to as well. Just make sure you run through all avenues before walking out on a marriage you both felt was right in the first place.

I really think that if you are feeling questions about your marriage, unloved, or unwanted that you should watch Fireproof, so many other bloggers referred me to this movie and yet I didn’t watch it until after we split up. Had we watched this movie together, I think things may, just may, have gone a different route!