This post is a continuation from Comfortable Relationships. I always get various comments when it comes to relationship issues, especially when it pertains to marriage. One thing I am a firm believer in is that no one should settle regardless of children, marriage or family views. When I got married, yes I got married for what I call “life”, however, I am also not going to sit back and let my marriage be that of a content relationship because it’s comfortable, content and just plain easy for the sake of my children.

My oldest child was born to myself and my boyfriend at the time, we broke up when she was 4 months old, although our relationship split for different reasons than the current situation I find myself in, it was best for my daughter. I have the most well rounded, morally sound daughter that loves to give to others, help around the house and is overall a very well behaved child. My daughter is also the only one of my three children who has picked up on my positive thinking skills and amazes me at some of the sentences that come out of her mouth.

I have relatives and friends who have been married up to four times and I have some that have been married for many years. Do you know the response I get from those who have been married for years and have not been in a good position for years say to me when I ask them “why do you stay?” Most answer “because I married for life” or “because I don’t want to share the children”. I hear you on both … I honestly married for life as well and I don’t like the idea of sharing my children, especially my boys since I have spent nearly everyday of their life at home with them. On the other hand I refuse to live content, I refuse to allow my children to see that a marriage is all about two people who never talk, never hug, and rarely interact with each other. I grew up with a variety of influences in what a relationship is, and I swore to never live a content life. I am a firm believer that happy parents make happy children and my daughter is living proof of this belief!

If you have exhausted all efforts such as counseling, communication, living apart for a while (separation) and any other actions you can think of to attempt to resolve the issues in your marriage yet find yourself in the same situation, then I say maybe it is time for divorce. If you have not attempted to work, truly work hard, at making the marriage work then you must do that before even uttering the word “divorce”. I do not believe that instant divorce is the answer to a troubled marriage, because reality is life gets in the way and sometimes after we have children we tend to focus all our energy onto them, which can cause issues in the marriage. Issues caused by raising children usually can be fixed in a positive way to increase your connection with your partner.

After exhausting all efforts with your partner and things are still the same then I say you must do what you have to do in order to create a happy, uplifting home environment for your children. You need to step back and think of what your actions are showing your children a relationship is suppose to be. If you are the type to jump right on divorce the instant there are troubled times then you are showing your children that it’s okay to give up before putting effort forth. If you are the type to work as hard as you can on every possible avenue before realizing divorce is the only answer, then you are truly teaching your children how to handle relationships in a healthy way. I commend those who are able to step back and see their faults in a way that allows the marriage to grow stronger, kudos to you!

So I say you should never settle on any relationship regardless of whether there are children involved or not. My advice to you is be sure that you have truly found the right person before marrying them, spend some time in the dating field and see what is out there for options. Online dating has opened so many doors for people because you can search outside of your normal clique and this makes it easier for women and men to truly find their Mister or Misses Right. When it comes down to it, my answer is “no you should never settle simply for the sake of children”.