You know the type, the mother who is married but feels like they are raising their children alone. There are many reasons a mother may fee like the single married mom, Dad could be in the military, Dad could be a workaholic, Dad could have an addiction problem or maybe Dad could simply not have a clue about parenting. There are also those mom’s who feel like the single married mom because they honestly feel Dad can’t parent the right way so they take it upon themselves to be the primary caregiver for the children.
Whatever reasons make you feel like a single married mom, reality is that it can be difficult emotionally and physically. When a married person starts feeling like the single parent they often question why they are even married in the first place. I mean if you are raising your kids alone in a married situation then why not just raise your children alone in a single situation?
Truth be told there are many factors that go into raising children together; both parents need to have common ground, communication, and the willingness to give and take. Although you may be married to the love of your life, you both may be different in the ways of parenting.
For example Dad’s tend to be more playful and fun while at the same time more stern. Mom’s tend to have that motherly instinct instilled in them. You know what I mean, that instinct that makes you feel no one can raise your children better than you, even your spouse. Mom’s tend to be about emotional connections with their children. Don’t get me wrong there are many Mom’s and Dad’s that don’t fit into either mold of parents I just described.
If you feel like the married single mom for reasons other than simply not letting go to allow Dad his time or your husband is gone more than home, then maybe it is time to rethink your situation. Feeling like a married single mom can lead to frustration, depression and bitterness towards your spouse. Open up communication with your spouse, explain how you feel without accusations and see if you can both find common ground to move forward in a way that will help you feel like the married mom versus the single married mom.
Focus together on what each of you needs to parent your children in a positive way, write the needs down, agree to move forward working together instead of apart as parents. Give it time and if the situation doesn’t get resolved then maybe, just maybe you will need to do some hard thinking to determine what decision will be best for your emotional well being because after all happy parents make happy children, whether the parents are married or not.
Make it a Happy Day!
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this is where paul and i were a year ago. He finally got it together for the most part
.-= sarah @bakenate´s last blog ..christmas and the flu =-.
I feel like a single married mom… my husband is in the military. I have nothing against this set-up because we talked this over way before we got married.
We’ve been married for 20years, our boys are already teenagers. And they are not army brats.
One of the things my husband insisted was for me to grow independently… to be known as ME and not the wife of this military officer. He is a full colonel in the military and soon to be a general.
I guess communication is really the key. We were proactive so we didn’t have problems.
.-= Leah´s last blog ..‘Tis blessed to bestow… =-.
Twitter: vickielini
(7 comments) says:
I totally agree. I am so blessed that my husband helps out often. Somedays he might even seem like a better parent;)
.-= Vickie´s last blog ..Merry Christmas! =-.
Twitter: ImAHotMom
(33 comments) says:
I actually sometimes feel that way too! It’s frustrating to see how my husband can just sleep or stay in the couch watching tv for a long time while I choose to tend to the kids. And you’re right, it’s usually a mother’s instinct to CHOOSE to always be with the kids. I can choose to just “chilax” like my husband too, but of course, I don’t.
In fairness, he does participate most of the time and he’s probably more fun with the kids than I am. I’m probably just jealous that he gets to relax more than I do
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Single Married Mom (from @BrandyEllen) http://ow.ly/Ql07 #parenting
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I know I was raised by a single married mom.. my dad worked so many hours as a young kid i rarely saw him during the week and when i did he was basically a zombie or just coming or going. and on the weekends he might have been around but he was busy doing some chores or resting up.. that of course was if he wasnt taking on an extra shift..
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This is a real issue in many families. That is why I have a blog dedicated to Married Single Moms. We need all the support we can get while we work to build strong marriages, and raise healthy kids when our husbands are not (cannot or will not be) available.
Thanks! http://www.carlaanne.com