Parent You Want To Be?

December 19th, 2009 · 7 Comments

I remember my teen years swearing up and down I would never, ever be like my mother or my father. I guess in my teen years at times I wanted to be more like my father because he was (and still is) pretty laid back, almost like my best friend. As I grew older and became a mom myself I understood a bit more about why my parents were the way they were and have accepted that is just who they are and were as parents. Another thing I have learned is that no one parenting style fits all parents, we are all unique family units and I don’t think any one style can work for everyone.

Growing up I always thought I would be a special mix of my mother and father, I wouldn’t do the spanking with my children as I never understood why parents would spank their children but then try to teach them to hit is not right.  I mean we teach by example, do we not?

The type of parent I always wanted to be was a positive parent, not a best friend, not the fun parent but a realistic parent who is able to sit back, listen to their child or watch their actions and truly be able to step back and understand, even if they don’t approve, where their child is coming from. Granted right now I have a 7, 3 and 1 year old so I haven’t had the luxury of dealing with those teen years, which I am certain my only daughter will give me a heart attack over, but I can say from my 7 years of parenting so far I have pretty much been the parent I had hoped to be.

Dating back to when my daughter was first born, I made a decision to be a better person because if I could be a better person then I could be a better Mom. If I could look to the positive of life situations, if I could learn to understand even if I don’t agree, if I could just be more compassionate and have higher moral standards then I could succeed at raising a well rounded, healthy, loving, young adult.

So with my first born I was by the book, she didn’t eat solids until 12 months of age, she breastfed for 9 months (weaned off on her own), she lived in a “baby safe” apartment so that the word no hardly had to utter from my  mouth. I used redirection from dangerous items, or those toys that children try to get that are not really toys … utensils, electronic component wires, etc etc! Overall my daughter had a positive parenting upbringing, that is until her brother entered the picture…

I will admit having my first boy was hard on me, not because I didn’t want a son by all means I just wanted a healthy baby, but more because of the fact that my first born son was not at all a Baby Kee, not at all! I now lived in a house that was in no way baby proofed, I had a baby who didn’t sleep through the night, I had a daughter who I had to get to and from preschool and I had a lot more on my plate in ways of responsibilities and day to day living. This situation only got worse when my third child, second son, was born in August 2008. The house was even less baby proofed, my husband had moved in by then of course and had all his electronic components and glass stereo cabinet, glass TV stand and well all of a sudden my life as a positive parenting Mom went bazzark for a while!

I find myself yelling at a whim, losing my patience about a darn book or video game. I am overwhelmed with my life and have started to do things and respond to situations I swore I would never do.  I am not completely out of hand, but the fact that I can raise my voice to my 3 year old after he has only been awake for a mere five minutes is something I can’t stand. Lately my patience with my 3 year old has been lost and that aggravated feeling is now being passed over to my other two children, who overall hardly give me an issue at all. I love all three of my children, but I know my sweet AJ is the one who can pull my strings and make me lose my patience like no other.  I have learned that he is hyperactive, that he doesn’t sleep well at all, and that due to his sleep issues his hyperactive behavior is 100 times worse and so I keep reminding myself that he is not meaning to do the things he does, he is merely a three year old looking for direction, for positive influence from his parents and siblings to help find his way in this world.

To this day I am still trying to determine how to baby proof and “AJ proof” my home, to this day I am still trying to get that positive parenting technique down again, but reality is as life moves on and the kids get older I have more on my plate. I now have PTO, Girl Scouts, a business, a blog, a husband, two cats and a house to keep up with. I no longer am just that single working mom of one who rents an apartment. Now I completely understand why parents use social media as an outlet and why Moms began blogging, it is our outlet. Without this blog, without me writing daily (while the kids are napping or late at night while they sleep), I wouldn’t be sane half the time, and I certainly wouldn’t be able to think clear enough to know I need to get back on focus, back on focus for being the positive parent figure I always wanted to be and have lost somewhere along the path of life.

What about you? Did you want to be a certain parent and are now living as that person? Do you do things your parents used to do but swore you never would do them?

Make it a Happy Day!