My Independent Nature

I have always been and probably will always be a very independent person. I honestly would prefer to raise my children as a single mother and lately I feel like it’s more selfish thinking than independent thinking but here goes …

My daughter was raised with the help of my ex boyfriend, her father, since age 4 months. We both didn’t get along very well at all, huge physical and verbal altercations. The great thing about my ex and I is that although there were many issues between us as a couple we were able to raise our daughter, who is now 7 in a way that created a very positive, well rounded, smart little girl. We both were happier apart and so our daughter was able to grow up happier too.

I loved raising my daughter alone, what I enjoyed most was that I didn’t have to answer to anyone, I didn’t have to question if I should or should not go out to the bar to meet up with my guy friends when she was gone for the weekend, I had every other weekend off from being Mom and was able to be Brandy.  My daughter was able to co-sleep with me without having another person tell me that was a bad habit to get into, we were able to come and go as we pleased, if we wanted to take a walk, we did it, playground, sure and no matter what happened I was happy, truly happy nearly 24/7.

I find myself longing to be that single Mom again, no not the “same single mom” but a new single mom, one who can have her guy friends, one who can have every other weekend alone, one who now works from home but is able to better balance that work at home and life situation because she is happier. When my husband and I decided to separate, I feel we gave in too quickly to move back in together. Financially it makes sense, but emotionally it has been killing me inside. I have been questioning if I am thinking selfish thoughts, if I am just plain too independent to share my life with someone or if there are truly issues.

I think what it comes down to is that I am a very independent person, and I like my privacy. I think many of my relatives are the same way, those who are unable to stay in a committed relationship or those who have been divorced over and over again. I enjoy my freedom to come and go, I enjoy having my children gone every other weekend. I admit when my husband moved out and took the boys for the first two nights away from me, I freaked out, crying and felt like I had my heart pulled out of my chest but at the same time it was nice to have a much needed break from being Mommy. You see, I am the one who spends the most time with the boys and haven’t been away from them for more than a few hours at a time their whole life!

In the short time my husband was gone it was like a big boulder had been lifted off of my chest, I could now relax, I was cleaning like never before, playing more with the kids, dancing around, smiling and having a blast. I was able to put the kids to bed and focus on working from my computer on my blog and business clients. I was focused and driven, I felt GREAT and HAPPY again.

I wonder if I am simply just a person who is not meant to share their living space with someone, maybe I am just happier alone, some people truly are happier when they live alone. I will keep thinking this through to determine if maybe, just maybe that person is me.

Make it a Happy Day!

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

12 comments

  1. Pingback: Brandy
  2. Eva Gallant (1 comments) says:

    Hi neighbor! I live in Saco, Maine. I too was a single mom for about four years, then I remarried; that was 26 years ago. At first I did resent having given up my independence again; resented having to tell someone where I was going and when I’d be back; not having as much “me” time–especially since my husband was a widower and had a son. My kids went to their Dad’s on weekends, but his kid was ALWAYS there. I finally realized that it was a matter of courtesy to let my husband know where I was going and when to expect me back, just so he wouldn’t worry. The kid thing was a lot tougher to deal with, but we got through it. Now the kids are gone, we have grandkids, and we’re retired. I still want “me” time. I have a separate room in my house that is just mine. My computer is there, my sewing machine, and other things I enjoy. I retire to my space frequently–it’s not the same as being independent, but I guess it’s the best of both worlds. I have the companionship of my husband, and solitude when I want it. But I think you’re right; some of us are just more independent than others.
    .-= Eva Gallant´s last blog ..Tiger Woods Holiday Poem =-.

  3. Kate (11 comments) says:

    Wow! That’s a lot to think about. I can relate to enjoying your own space and your own time. I have learned to actually look forward to the weeks my husband is going to be out of town because it means my evening after the kids go to bed is all mine to do what I want. But, I must say I miss adult conversation and companionship – like talking over dinner and laughing at the things the kids do. Maybe you just need to find a better balance of alone time to refresh and regroup? I hope you discover what will make you most happy.
    .-= Kate´s last blog ..Fix-It Right! Manny’s Repair Shop Review =-.

  4. Jessica @ Riding with Jessica (18 comments) says:

    Being in a committed relationship is hard work. I too am an independent person. Luckily I met a man that was very understanding of that. He lets me feel like I run the show and what I say goes. (Even if it dont) I love that he works a rotating shift and that he isn’t there all the time. I can’t relate to the kids being gone every other weekend tho bacuase my kids have never left my home for visitation with their dad really.

    Have y’all started counseling yet?
    .-= Jessica @ Riding with Jessica´s last blog ..Kids Say The Darndest Things =-.

  5. Pingback: Sarah Gleen
  6. Dominique (221 comments) says:

    Any relationship needs a certain amount of commitment and work to sustain. I do feel your need to be independent and have space for yourself. I too have been working a lot on my relationships and trying to get a balance between work/self and family.
    I feel that what you may need is maybe 1-2hrs alone.. maybe out of the house so that you can enjoy your “me time” and destress.

  7. Michelle (36 comments) says:

    I am just the opposite. I am constantly away from my hubby and I miss the time we used to share together. We were best friends before we actually got together and enjoy each other’s company. I feel like I am raising my children by myself and wish he was here more often.

    I think you need to do what ever makes you and your kiddos happy. Maybe you need a day away once a week to regain your “me time” and independence?
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..Keurig Platinum Brewer And K-Cups Review – FREE K-Cups for LIFE Sweepstakes =-.

  8. Cyndi (4 comments) says:

    I can so relate to this. My husband and I were separated for 5 months (2 years ago). I LOVED my weekends alone. I even loved the weeks with the kids but without hubby, although that had more to do with the state of our relationship and constant fighting than any preference for being a single mom. In the end we were able to miraculously work things out and he came back home to see if we could keep it going. We did. I do still secretly miss those weekends alone though.

Leave a Reply

Comments links could be nofollow free.