A Funk Is A Funk

Living in a funk or getting into a funk are two completely different things. For example right now I am finding myself in a funk and I am sure you can tell from my writing lately, this is not a huge deal. When I get into a funk every once in a while I am quite often not focusing on the positive and allowing the negative thoughts to consume my mind. I will admit I am not allowing all negative to consume me, and the funny thing is that my bills piled high are not even stressing me out, it’s life in general that is getting me in this funk and it is me who is keeping me there.

This morning I watched The Family Man and found myself crying, yes me crying and it’s something I have been doing a lot of lately … not watching this movie but crying. As  I watched this movie I saw a financially successful man who thought he had everything because he had money. For those who know the real me, you know that money is rarely something I define as success, I define success as being successfully happy in everything you do, of being able to live in a way that you know in your heart and mind is right for the person you are and the family you are raising.

As I  watched The Family Man I started thinking about the things in my life I love, and live for. I started thinking about things that are missing in my marriage and started thinking about how I used to know 100% that my husband was the man I wanted to grow old with and wondered why this funk is allowing myself to be distant from my husband. I must admit I have been in a funk over my marriage for at least a year, and that is something that needs to be figured out. I know my husband is the most caring individual, we used to be able to support each other emotionally and business wise. We still support each other but we have grown tired … life has taken a toll on us. While I take exhaustion a bit differently, my husband is found snoring on the couch in a sitting position. When I get over tired I tend to be more hyper, and can often be found more motivated and laughing at life. I love to laugh and I love to smile, but for some reason lately I can only do it late at night when the kids are sleeping and my husband is snoring on the couch.

I write my best late at night when I am listening to Pandora.com music channels, mainly Nickelback songs, I find myself realizing that my husband and I don’t even enjoy the same music, we no longer enjoy the same things we used to enjoy together. I don’t know, maybe I changed who I was to be happier in our marriage or maybe I have quite simply changed in general since we were married.

No matter what reason I am in this funk and no matter what the reason is for my questions about my marriage, I am still a mother and I have three little children who need the supportive, happy, silly mommy that dances around the living room with them to Christmas music and uses the Flip as our family camcorder. My children need their mom back and this weekend I have spent time focusing on my children, because no matter the funk I am in, I refuse to allow it consume myself to a point that it affects my children any longer, I refuse to be an unhappy parent, after all my children are my world and being a mom is one thing I have found I am best at.

Children amaze me, they easily forgive, they are always honest and they hug you like they will never see you again. Today and forever I plan to hug my children back with the same love and affection that they hug me with, I plan to cherish every waking moment I have as a mother because this past week I realized how fast a mother can lose her child and that my friends is something I would never wish upon any parent, ever. Let’s come together and be thankful for what we have, yes we may be in a funk, yes we may be questioning various areas of our lives, but I bet none of us are questioning our life for our children and that my friends is what I plan to focus on, the love I have that is unconditional and has no boundaries … the love for my children.

Make it a Happy Day!