Best Days Of My Mom Life

December 18th, 2009 · 5 Comments

Thinking about everything lately I often am found remembering back to those days when I was a single mom.  Granted I only had one child back then, lived in subsidized apartments and worked full time while my daughter was in daycare. I was able to get assistance to help pay for childcare costs and so working wasn’t an issue as I was able to use most of my income towards bills.  On to my point, I must admit being a single mom was the best days of my life!

You wouldn’t think that being alone, dating every other weekend and juggling daycare pick ups, drop offs and making sure you made it to work everyday to pay the bills would be the best days of my life … but they were!

Today as I sit here focusing on what my 2010 goals will be for my life as a whole from business to personal I find myself daydreaming of those lovely days when I smiled all day long, I rarely stressed, I had every other weekend to sleep all day if I wanted and I had a child who smiled and laughed more than I ever see her do now when she is with me. I had it great and she had it great, we were a perfect pair and together we were moving forward and eventually we picked out our favorite house and I purchased it.

I was driven, focused and motivated … nothing nor no one person could bring me down. I had drive I was one hot Mama multi-tasking my way up in the world as both a professional administrative assistant and a mother. Truth be told I was truly happy! Do not get me wrong, I was lonely on those weekends my daughter was with her father and I had no one to hang out with, occasionally being single bothered me, but overall I remember the drive I had that no one could take away from me, the smile I placed on my face and the dedication I put towards being a mother.

Today I am a married and have been for nearly 3 years, I have two more children, I still own that house and I no longer work outside of the home. My dream of working office jobs all my life and the hard work I put towards building my resume is gone, completely gone. After being a work at home mom for three years, and now a virtual assistant most outside of the home jobs are goign to look at my resume and laugh out loud … maybe.

I no longer have that drive, dedication and motivation to be the best mother in the world. I often am found wondering why I am with my husband, do I really love him the way I should? Why have I tried so hard for the past year to make this work and talk myself into this marriage when in reality we are two best friends who got married, had children and now simply reside in the same household for whatever reasons.

Do not get me wrong, my husband is a super great guy and an awesome Dad, he really is a wonderful person. My children are my world and I don’t know what I would do without my three sweet hearts, I love them dearly. The reason I am talking about the best days of my life, is because I miss that, I miss that independent attitude I had, the “no one can stop me” attitude and I miss being able to just wake up happy, truly happy knowing that I am living my life the way my heart and mind wants to live.

So as we near 2010 I am focusing on getting myself back in place, I am focusing on making sure that daughter who always smiled and laughed when with me is smiling and laughing again when she’s with me. I am moving forward to reach the goals I wish to reach financially and if my marriage works out to be something more than I think it is right now, awesome, but at the same time if not, that is okay. I am open minded and honest enough to know that as long as two people have tried and truly put effort forth if it’s meant to be, it will be and if it’s not mean to be it will not be, you can’t force your heart and soul into something it is not willing to be a part of.

So I invite you to live life to the fullest, to set yourself up for a successful 2010 no matter what downs happen, remember YOU are the only person held accountable for the life you are living,  if you feel your life is failing and you are not living up to your dreams, then it’s only YOU who can make the change. I know being single mom gave me a drive I lost, but I am not willing to leave my husband simply to get that drive back, I am going to stop focusing on why the drive is gone and focus on how to get it back! Only after I find my true happiness and get that drive back can I then make an educated decision on my family life situation … only then.

Make it a Happy Day!