It’s About Time I Told You

There are already a few people who know about what I am going to tell you today, some of those are MomDot Forum Friends, MommaDJane and Stephanie but for those who do not know and haven’t been friends with me for the past year, talking on the phone, interacting with me in person, etc then this may come to a shock to you. I have told my family and I have told my friends, now it’s time for me to tell my readers who I would also like to think of  as “virtual friends”, or a virtual “support group”.

Here is what I need to tell you; my husband and I are going through a separation. This was a much thought out decision and I have tried to pull anything I can together in my heart to not have to make this hard decision, but reality is separation is the only answer that will allow my family to move forward in a positive direction.

Just an FYI, when I married my husband in May 2007 we had been dating about a year, living together about 6-8 months and had simply clicked like best friends and could talk about anything. Now here it is November 2009 and I can barely remember the last time my husband has opened up to me, hasn’t lied to me and has actually given me the love and affection I need on occasion. I have given so much love, affection, devotion and honesty in our years together but it finally has come down to the fact that we are simply two different people who got caught up in the “safe decision” to get married.

I know no matter how much has happened to break my trust within him or destroy my emotional connection to him that he is a person who I can count on to raise the children and take care of family financially.

I could go on and on for all the reasons but honestly it simply comes down to a matter of fact, no matter how many times I review our wedding pictures, family pictures, wedding vows, wedding poems, and look at him and try to attempt to find that emotional connection to him; I can not.

As a person who truly believes in living her life happy and following her heart I know this separation may be a shock, but the reality is, it’s what will make me happy in the long run. It’s what will eventually make my husband happy,  and he is finally seeing things that way. We haven’t kissed in a long time, we haven’t hugged in a long time, we haven’t had any romantic or emotional connection in a long time. My husband and I have been living content as best friends raising our children and my daughter together and no matter how easy this situation would be to stay in, my heart is breaking knowing that I can not love my husband the way I feel a husband and wife should. Knowing that my husband can’t love me the way I feel he should.

I refuse to sit back and sink into a depressed state of living, I refuse to live content just because many will feel you stay in a marriage no matter what. I will be honest, financially I am scared to death but emotionally I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I am finally started to focus on the positive again, my writing is coming back to me and my children are happier because I am happier knowing that in one week my husband is meeting to sign a lease for a house to rent while we separate to see if distance may change things.

I am keeping an open mind, and not jumping right to divorce, but reality is we will be living in two different places as we live in separation and give each other the space to move forward in our lives, if that means we are brought back together, cool, but if it means we do not find our way back together, then that’s a fact I am willing to accept and live with.

I don’t expect anyone to understand, I don’t want to give in to all the personal details, but reality is no one truly knows a marriage and/or relationship until they have lived behind the walls we call our home and seen first hand the issues that have built up over the years. Separation is the answer, whether I have changed, whether he has changed doesn’t matter, it’s simply a fact that we haven’t been living like a husband and wife should for a long time and I refuse to live this way any longer. This is no one persons fault and so there you have it … I am going to be a single mom of three by the end of November 2009 and many of you may think I am crazy but I am simply choosing to live my happy life, so that my children will grow up happy too!

Make it a Happy Day!

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18 Comments

  1. Oh Brandy, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this! I commend you for being brave enough to make such a huge decision. Hopefully distance will “make the heart grow fonder,” but if it doesn’t, I know you’re strong enough to carry on. My husband and I were dealing with some issues a few months back, and you left me the most uplifting comment on a post I wrote. You told me to “keep my head up and things will get better” and they have, so I’m throwin’ that right back atcha! 🙂 I’m always around if you ever want to talk! (((Hugs)))

  2. I am sorry to hear this. What a tough decision, but ultimately you need to do what is right for you and your family. I will be praying for reconciliation for you guys. Ya never know, maybe God will use this time of separation to show the both of you that you really do love and miss eachother.

    And if not, I know that you will still be ok. There are so many single moms out there making it and I know that you will too.

    Thanks so much for being so open with us and sharing about your struggles. That really means a lot.

    My prayers are with you guys. Lotsa love, DAWN
    .-= Dawn (Painter Mommy)´s last blog ..Small Children and the Time Change Nightmare =-.

  3. GREAT big giant hug. Bless you for following your heart. As you already know, I understand your feelings, completely.

    I am here when ever you need me…

  4. God bless you and yours. May this time apart also help you grow together. And hang onto that limb…..may you be the last ” FRUIT ” IN THE TREE!

  5. Oh wow, I suspected this was what you were leading up too, I wanted so much to email you about it too.

    You won’t find me preaching to ya, I won’t pray for reconcilation, no none that. You have my support and ear to bend if you need another.

    If apart is where you are both happy, the children will respond to that much better than to be with two parents in the same house were they can feel the tension and hurt.

    Too many people stay in relationships because of the children or because of the Church when rightfully they should not be together.

    I admire your strength girl!!! BIG HUGS to You!
    .-= chrissy´s last blog ..Mommy’s Helper Online with Anita DeFrank =-.

  6. Brandy, it takes courage to take the necessary steps to protect your family and sometimes, it is very difficult but with soul searching and hopefully meaningful discussions with all involved, you will know peace and happiness.

    We love your smiling shining personality and want you to know we support you and love you!

  7. Brandy, I admire you so much for opening up to all of us. I know that this is not an easy decision. But happiness is something that shouldn’t be sacrificed. I will be thinking of you and sending you good vibes for strength wherever you need it.
    .-= Sherri @ Luv a Bargain´s last blog ..140 Custom Address Labels for $3 & 100 Custom Postcards for $6 Shipped (Available again) =-.

  8. We will all be here to support you and it was brave of you to post about it. I hope you find peace and happiness through it all.
    .-= blueviolet´s last blog ..Helping Not Hurting =-.

  9. I am sorry…I hope you both can find some happiness whether it is together or seperate…(((hugs)))
    .-= colleen´s last blog ..Why I need a bedroom makeover =-.

  10. I’m sorry that you are going through all this, but glad that you’re taking action. It’s easy to let life just happen to you and never take charge, and that’s a terrible way to live.

    Who knows, a separation may show you both that there is a way to make it work or it may show you that you are much better off on your own. Either way at least you’ll know.

    Stay strong!
    .-= Tina T´s last blog ..Can Big Age Differences Work? =-.

  11. Brandy, Bless you child. I know the pain your feeling, twice divorced myself, your doing the right thing. Hang strong. You have all of us in this group for advice & prayers.
    .-= Carolyn´s last blog ..Natural Disinfectant Spray Recipe =-.

  12. Me again! You gotta do what you gotta do for you and your family. Believe me, I have been through enough problems with men and relationships don’t make sense to anyone else. That’s fine – it’s YOUR life. My heart is full for you and your children and I hope that you are okay. It’s hard but you will persevere, no matter what – call me if you wanna chat.
    .-= Angie´s last blog ..Your Astrology Guide 2010: Rick and Jeff’s Tips for the Year =-.

  13. Wow, you are so brave to make this tough decision! More power to you for making such a hard decision, though – and for being so honest with your readers. You are one strong lady!
    Have a great weekend~
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Sodastream Giveaway Winner!! =-.

  14. Pingback: Brandy

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