Becoming A Parent

Before I was Mom I could drink any alcoholic beverage, stay up all night long and sleep all day. Before I was Mom, I loved to go out dancing and partying all night. Before I was Mom I loved to randomly invite strangers back to my apartment for an “after party”  fun game of cards and maybe even some home cooking. I had fun, I had a blast, but that was BEFORE I BECAME MOM.

It is so funny how I went from party queen woman to responsible Mom person. I drive through my town daily and see all these young girls and boys that are pushing a stroller, smoking a cigarette and dressed half naked and I think, “really, are you a Mom or a kid? And where is your parents?” I can not imagine raising my children as a child myself, but I also could not imagine showing my children such a lifestyle of walking the streets daily and hanging with the “bridge people” as we used to call them in our high school years.

I get sad when I see these babies do not even have a chance, they will grow up thinking walking the streets, doing drugs and getting drunk is the ONLY way of life. This makes me so sad, because it is no one else’s fault but the parents and the parents of these young mothers and fathers. The young mothers and fathers are not always teenagers, they are adults, at age 18 they think they know it all and rule the world. They can raise these children, but the sad fact is, these young parents are simply raising their babies the same way their parents did, which creates a cruel cycle of lost children and adults that do not know any better than to get drunk or do drugs and follow in the foot steps of their parents. Often times these babies of these families grow up to be uneducated high school drop outs, or worse, drug dealers. {I am not saying a drop out can not make something of themselves – because I know many who have – but these particular families have no such interest in doing more than walk the streets day in and day out}

When I became a mother I made a personal, internal decision. I asked myself, “what kind of mom will you be?”. My first instinct was to say ” I wont’ be like my parents” Isn’t that what we all say? But as I thought harder, I realized my actual answer to this question was, ” I will be the Best Mom I can be. I will do all I can to create a individual who can think for themselves, make mistakes & learn from them, and grow up to be a bright individual person”. I wanted to be the best Mom I could be, I wanted to take some of the great parts of my parents and combine them with my great parts to create a new version of my parents. A version unlike anyone else, because that is ME, I am a person, I am not my Mom, and I am not my Dad. I am Brandy, mother of three, positive thinker and creative writer.

I will not say it was easy for me to give up the partying, because even today after three children I miss those partying days and I long for a nice night out to get drunk and have a little adult fun. Being a parent is not always easy, it requires you to think about your children before you act. You need to ensure all that you are doing is something you want your children to see.

This is a subject I am very passionate about, teaching your children through your actions and I will be writing about this during the remainder of the week and through the weekend, citing references from areas of my life where I changed and inviting you to comment on areas of your life you changed when you became a parent. I am even going to try to get my hubs to write some on his blog, Daddy Knows All, so that you can get a well rounded Mom and Dad’s perspective on how life changed when we became parents.

Be sure to subscribe to my blog so that you can read my daily posts. If you are interested in hearing my husband’s point of view on this subject please visit his blog to subscribe.

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14 comments

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  3. momma d (2 comments) says:

    i think that many of those young moms think of their child slung on their hip as and accessory, like a cute handbag, nothing more. they just carry it around all day, doing what they have always done. drives me crazy! very good post!

    momma d’s last blog post..Super Shoprite Savings 5/31

  4. Jessica (@It's my life...) (3 comments) says:

    I agree with you that being a parent carries with it a certain level of responsibility and part of that is setting a good example for your children.
    That said, having a little fun isn’t a bad thing either. But then again, maybe my fun is more tame than the fun you used to have in your pre-kid days. ;-)
    Children need to see that grown-ups can let lose and have safe harmless fun. It’s just another area where we need to be setting an example. A child who never sees his parents drinking alcohol won’t know how to pace himself, etc.
    So I’d say be aware of your actions, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your child to be doing at your age, but also, have fun too.

    Jessica (@It’s my life…)’s last blog post..Turns out we need a whole new kind of scale

    • admin (26 comments) says:

      I sent you an email. I do agree that children do need to see parents having fun. I mean in the real world we make mistakes, we drink, we may smoke a cigarette, etc. By all means I want my children to see the real side of people. I do not pretend to be some fake person and am not perfect. I just am not one to raise my children in a party house – and many of the young ones I see around who are parents – raise their children in party houses. And I mean EXTREME. Again this is my personal observations and opinions of course ;-)

  5. Angie (212 comments) says:

    I resemble that thought! Really… I used to be that person, but I knew I was raised better and my kids deserved better, so I did a complete 180 and here we are. I’m not perfect but no one is.

    but I’m definitely more boring than I used to be….

    ;-)

    Angie’s last blog post..New Coupons at Cellfire

  6. Linda@Short Pump Preppy (1 comments) says:

    I’d love to weigh in on this one. You are right on Brandy. We RARELY and I mean RARELY drank around our children. I grew up as a child thinking that every family had happy hour. When I went to college as an 18 year old, legal to drink at the time, I thought it was what you did. I was surprised to find that some people actually didn’t drink.

    Kids don’t learn to pace themselves by watching their parents. I don’t even know what that means. I certainly didn’t drink as an 18 year old thinking that if my parents stopped after 2 drinks I had better too. When drinking and partying are the exceptions to the rule, kids learn that it’s not a part of every day life. But the reality is that kids decide their own path based on the morals that you instill in them and the influences of their peers. When my kids are gone they will decide what they do with their free time. My hope is that they make good decisions. Good for you for taking responsible actions for your kids.

    Linda@Short Pump Preppy’s last blog post..Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball for Wii

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  8. erin (134 comments) says:

    What a great post Brandy! I grew up seeing the drinking, parting, and the ‘trashy’ way of life. I know how painful some of my childhood memories are and wouldn’t dream of letting my son experience even the slightest bit of similar behavior. I want my son to grow up in a healthy environment, free of addictions and vices. Yes, I was a teenager and then part of the 21+ crowd that did stuff, got drunk, and messed up. But WAS is the key word there. Of course I will still have a glass of wine here and then. But I promised myself to be not only the best mother I can be, but to really work to create a fun environment at home for my children. Eat dinner together, play games together, do crafts together. I would have gladly traded most activities growing up for a family dinner and monopoly game.

    <3 ~erin

    erin’s last blog post..Elijah TV: Brought to you by Flip Video & YouTube

  9. LittleMissKnowitAll (4 comments) says:

    As a child raised by a couple of hippies, I totally agree. I remember drugs in the house, parties at all hours, me at age 4 being wherever I wanted as long as I wasn’t in the middle of the adults. My brother came along a few years later and not long after, they began to clean themselves up. By the time I left middle school they were excellent parents. But it took a lot of work on their part, and they had two sets of parents who gave them support. In the early days, my grandmother watched us kids all day long just to give us some stability and sane people around us.

    Now, raising two kids myself, I wonder how my mom ever did it. I totally admire how she cleaned herself up and got herself together. Was I scarred and changed because of what I saw? Absolutely. I became the adult in the house at a very young age, and never quite learned the same relaxed social skills other kids did. Even today, 37 years later, I’m a lot more serious than I really need to be. But I did learn a few things from my parents–people make mistakes. We do stupid stuff. And its never too late to turn around and make it right. You may not be able to fix it, but choosing to turn around makes a huge difference.

    Not everyone is so lucky. My cousin’s parents never turned around and he grew up thinking drugs and drinking were okay. His life has never been a healthy one. He’s almost thirty and has never held a job more than a few weeks, can’t finish college despite being one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and generally wastes his life away, always looking for someone else to take care of whatever problem he has. When I see teens doing that, dragging their kids along, I wonder…will their kids grow up like me, or like my cousin?

  10. Heidi L (5 comments) says:

    Being a mom I think takes a different kind of fun. You have to act drunk to make your babies laugh but not be drunk :) You have to teach them how to talk to people who are strangers and encourage them to invite these strangers over and after all your effort these people are not even coming to see you :) Instead of a house full of card games and fun board games for a party your house is full of toys and other things that make noice and move and do all sorts of stuff. Being a parent will definately be a 360 degree change in lifestyle :)

    Heidi L’s last blog post..5 Tips to Safeguard Your Domain

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