Well I have had a bad week! It all started with my two year old who decided that he wanted mommy more than ever, he started being very whiny, very needy, nothing pleased him and yes I am home with him ALONE 10 hours a day. Not only am I home with HIM all day ALONE but I also have my 6 month old I am nursing HOME ALONE with me all day. I love my boys and my daughter, but this week has tested my mommy patience. Luckily I am a mom who no matter how irritable I am, I can be nice to my children and know when to take a “mommy time out”. I have had many of those this week, Bad Mommy have a time out. {lol}

Due to the lack of sleep and whiny two year old I have gone from super mom, super wife to super … well we won’t use bad language here..but I am sure you get the idea.

I not only have been very irritable, short and not myself but I have been struggling with my marriage. I went from loving my husband to wanting to walk out the door, why? No reason in particular, he is great, he tries to help when not working, he cooks me yummy dinners, he cooks me Sunday breakfast, he does a lot. The reason I want to walk out is not his fault nor is it anyone elses. I just need a Mommy Vacation, time away for ME, time to sort through all the week problems and get back into optimistic ME.

I would never leave my husband because of a bad day, rather bad week, I would never be upset with  my children for not allowing me to get any sleep, I would not do anything like that. I love my family, I love my friends, and I love my life. Just because I am having a bad week doesn’t give me a right to walk away from my commitment as friend, family and partner in business.

I fear due to my bad week I have lost a very good friend, and this above all written above hurts me THE MOST. I have become really good virtual friends with someone and fear I have just ruined our friendship, why do I fear this, why am I hurt? I don’t know, because I would like to think true friendship lasts through everything; the good, the bad, the happy and the sad. I haven’t ever had a best virtual friend really, so maybe that is why I am so confused, lost and sad. I don’t know what to do, other than to just HOPE that this best virtual friend understands I am human and I make mistakes. I hope she will take into consideration I have not had sleep in two days, and without sleep I am a MONSTER. I really am a person who needs 12 hours of sleep a night and with only getting 4 hours I can barely remember a conversation I had this morning let alone keep myself optimistic.

I have no right to be mean, I have no right to be rude, but I was and I am pessimistic right now, and have been for a couple of days. Sometimes I wonder if I take on too much, if I mean to do the right thing but do wrong instead…I wonder … well I can ponder these thoughts forever but would only be dwelling in the past and present. I wish to go to sleep tonight and sleep in tomorrow, I wish that when I lay my head down on my pillow tonight my mind doesn’t wonder and I can just sleep, a good night sleep and wake up tomorrow with a clear head ready to take on the world in the most optimistic way possible. If I have lost my best virtual friend, I don’t know what I will do, she as all I really had. One of the few people I could talk to about anything and I thought I was that for her too.

Well just think when you have a bad day or week like me…how will you handle it? I hope you will handle it better than me and not push everyone away that  means something to you. I hope that my bad week has not turned into another bad week, because if it has I don’t know how I will get back into the optimistic ME I usually can be.